It’s not uncommon in our industry to officiate the funeral of an elderly person and then find just a few short weeks later the partner of that person has also passed away and there you are again, meeting the children of the couple organising their other parent’s funeral. Throughout my career as a Celebrant, this has happened a number of times. For the families (the children of the deceased) it is a crushing blow to go through again so soon after losing one parent. In most cases, the family have found comfort and solace; Mum & Dad are now together again, and it would have been what they would have wanted. Even so, these families need a lot of support.
Recently I was contacted by a family to help them with a funeral for their Mum. As usual, I met with them, and we discussed all the elements they wanted to include to celebrate Mum’s life. The family were in some shock as Mum had died suddenly, although she had been living with Pulmonary Fibrosis for some years, she had remained independent and coped with good support from her three children. Sadly, their Dad was not going to be able to attend the funeral of his beloved wife. Dad had Alzheimer’s and was living in a local care home. The family visited him regularly and helped Mum ensure that Dad was included and well cared for.
Just two weeks before Mum’s funeral, I was contacted by the family to say that Dad’s condition had deteriorated, and they would want to combine their parent’s funeral ceremony if they possibly could. Dad was end of life and not expected to survive the weekend. He passed peacefully a couple of days later. Fortunately, we were able to extend the already booked single slot at the Crematorium to a double slot. With good support from the funeral director, care home and the doctor we were able to obtain the necessary paperwork to proceed with the original date.
So, what began as a usual job, meeting a family to plan a funeral for their Mum quickly became the unusual circumstance of creating a ceremony for a couple, Mum & Dad. And what a lovely unique opportunity this is. I met with the family again of course to fill in the missing parts of the couple’s story; Dad’s early life and his career, hobbies and interests. A double slot allowed for more music and we discussed how to include music tributes for them individually as well as the visual tribute to music to remember them both for the reflection. Tributes from grandchildren were extended and further tributes from Dad’s siblings were slotted in. I pieced together their eulogies, talking about each of them as individuals as they grew up and intermingling the information to complete their story together. It made for a very well-rounded and full ceremony which although sad, was all the more celebratory for the fact they were together in death as they had been in life.
On the day itself, the sun shone and the spectacle of the cortege was traffic-stopping as the two hearses and family limousines made their way to the South London Crematorium. Each coffin with personalised MUM & DAD flower tributes. Once the hearses were paged down to the chapel, twelve family pallbearers stepped forward and with solid and supportive instructions from the funeral conductor, the coffins were unloaded from the hearses and the family carried them in to rest side by side on the catafalque. Once all gathered in, the family seated and the other congregation were settled I delivered the ceremony that I had created with the help of the information the family had provided. A double slot at the crematorium allowed for enough time for all the elements the family wanted, including placing personal flower tributes for each of them during one of the chosen music tributes. There were tears and laughter throughout the ceremony. It was as all celebration of life ceremonies tend to be a sharing of memories, tributes and traditions brought together for everyone to feel part of, but this felt all the more special to be sharing it for a loving couple on behalf of a lovely family.
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