Hiring a celebrant to conduct a ceremony means you can create the ceremony you want. This week I did a funeral ceremony for a family who wanted something completely different. There were only 5 people there plus me. The family didn’t want a traditional eulogy read by someone who had never met the gentleman. They didn’t want any poems or religious elements to the ceremony. So what did we do? How did we honour, remember & celebrate the life of this man and give the family their opportunity to say goodbye?
The family were clear from the beginning that they wanted an informal ceremony so straight away I abandoned the idea of a drafted script. This needed to be more spontaneous, but it did need some structure and to adhere to the crematorium’s rules of time. Fortunately at Bluebell Cemetery in Sevenoaks a full hour is permitted for the ceremony and they generously allow you to play as many music tracks as you want to within that time. The family requested 8 pieces of music. For each one they had a special reason for choosing it. So, unscripted and informally we arrived. We allowed the Funeral Director to deliver the coffin in the chapel in the usual way and then the family and I sat together (although socially distanced of course).
We played music, shared some cards and letters they had received and we talked. They told me the reason they had selected each piece of music. They told me who the people were who had written lovely words in cards & letters they had received and most importantly they shared with me and each other their memories of their loved one and what he meant to them. It was just what they wanted for him. I read the committal words and closed the curtains. After tears & laughter we left the chapel during the final song with a warm glow.
Is this the future for funeral ceremonies? No. But having the ceremony you want with the person you choose to lead it is.
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